Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
