I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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