I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
