I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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