Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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