My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
