i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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