Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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