I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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