We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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