I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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