the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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