So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
