I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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