Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
