whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
