so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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