I feel great
I just peed on a car
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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