I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
