bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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