Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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