are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
