my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
