Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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