Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
