I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
