In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
