I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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