You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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