I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
