Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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