Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
