well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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