when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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