I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
