you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
