So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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