Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My dick has a subreddit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
