jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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