I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
