Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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