She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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