He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
