Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
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Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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