We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
