Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
