I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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