I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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