weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
