Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
