Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
