I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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