I bet he comes in French.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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