There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
