Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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