Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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