Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
