erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
