I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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