they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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