Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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