RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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