At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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