I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
