I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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